Monday, December 17, 2007

Zombies and Old Chicago

Friday night me, my flask, and Landon went to see “I am Legend”. Other people were supposed to come, but they shall remain anonymous douchebags. Anyway, Even if the movie’s bad, I can still enjoy it when I add vodka to the movie theatre's slushies. This was a decent movie, and I would’ve probably liked it even if I hadn’t been rocking the vodka slushie.
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Afterwards we went to Old Chicago in Uptown, and managed to snag one of their gaming booths. For those of you who have never been to an Old Chicago, these booths have computer games that you can play for a dollar, and provide much drunken fun. I was already buzzed from the movie, and I couldn’t manage to concentrate on the games because this guy that was some flavor of emotionally handicapped/disturbed was playing one of the free-standing computer games in front of us and every so often would hit himself on the chest, much like a gorilla. Perhaps I’m just using that as an excuse as to why I failed.

After one of the trivia questions about how many people committed suicide in 2006, it said: “Please don’t kill yourself” WTF?! I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or something their legal department put in there. Either way it was unexpected. What pissed me off is that they wouldn’t let us use filthy names or expletives when we finished and were prompted to enter a name. That’s no fun. So we were forced to be creative with such high-scoring names as “Pune nanny” or “Anul Beast”.

The waitress got my first drink wrong, bringing me a 7 and vodka instead of a cran-vodka. This was a mixed blessing, being that I could take a few sips before she came back with my new drink, but this would also mean while waiting for her to bring me my correct drink, Landon is getting ‘ahead’ of me; he is not an easy one to catch up with. Overall, the drinks were light on vodka, and I was fortunate I still had some left in my flask to be able to top them off with. I had to be James Bond about adding more vodka, but these booths were perfect to be able to do it discreetly.

With two dollar rail drinks (it’s one of the few times I’m ok with cheap vodka) and $2.50 beer, and a great atmosphere, chock full of whippersnappers, it’s a great place to spend Friday night. Although, avoid Tuesdays, because that is karaoke night, and the people that work their go buck nutty and act like they are trying out for American Idol. Kudos to their $2 two topping pizzas, it’s just what Dr. McVodkaBreath ordered to soak it up.
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The 7th drink in my 12 drinks of Giftmas series is probably my most potent one. Don’t plan on going anywhere after downing a couple of these.

The Flaming Jesus
  • 1. part Grain Alcohol (I recommend Everclear)
  • 1. part 151 Rum
  • Layer 151 on top of Everclear, Light on Fire, Drink on Fire


Captain Flak Paperpants said...

I fucked for Jesus.

harx said...

cheap vodka pwns.

...not that I'm calling you cheap.

Arthur Fonzarelli said...

karaoke, or however you spell it, is a fate worse than death.

i can't imagine "guitar hero" night is much better, but it can't be as painful. regardless, i don't want to find ut.

TED VELVET said...

god bless the flask, being more of a beer guy I sneak in a few for a good movie, it's nice to watch a movie with a beer. unless you break the seal then it's a lot of. "what the fuck did I miss?" please don't kill yourself.

moooooog35 said...

I'm jealous.

We took the kids to see Alvin and the Chipmunks on Friday.

The kid next to me threw up halfway through., I had to watch a scene where a chipmunk ate another chipmunk's shit.

Next time, take me with you.

Jay said...

Old Chicago is a great place.

I never considered bringing a flask of vodka with me to a bar so I could make my drinks stronger. That's pretty smart.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Hey... I only hit myself in the chest one or two times at most and I didnt know you were watching. Don't be blaming me for the low scores on your game. I play these games to win (hitting self on chest like retard)

Sara Sue said...

OK ... that cocktail is for the young. If the hangover doesn't kill you, the heartburn will!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Capt: fucked FOR jesus or FUCKED jesus. if it's the latter, that makes sense, i always thought he was a homo.

Harx: hahahah. i am cheap when it comes to taking advantage of happy hour specials.

Fonz: to me, kareoke is part of the 7th ring of hell.

Mr. Velvet: i like the flask because it's so quiet, other than the "glug glug glugs", but i use that to gauge how much i've put in there.

Moog: niiiiiiice. you can come with me, but you cant do the dick-in-the-hole-of-the-popcorn-box trick.

Jay: usually i dont bring vodka with me to the bar, unless i am super poor that night. i just happened to have some left from the movie.

Ron: that was you? you need to do something about your complexion, it was bad fucked.

Sara: arent you young at heart? DRINK UP!

Mike said...

You got me beat. I had 2 beers and a glass full of peppermint schnapps on Friday night, but thankfully I didn't fuck for Jesus or, to my knowledge, get fucked by him either.

Captain Flak Paperpants said...

Oh, no, it's meant to be read the way I typed it. I fucked for Jesus is like saying Jesus died for my sins. Meaning, when I fuck someone, I'm doing it for HIM.

God loves me like so much. OMG.

R.E.H. said...

I've got to go see that Will Smith Zombie Flick... good or bad... I'll have to see the damn thing.

I should probably attempt to sneak a six-pack of Heineken's in there with me, right?

Hungry Mother said...

A buddy of mine tried to get another buddie to join the Blue Blazer Club one night at a local gin joint. To join is simple: ignite a glass of green creme de menthe and drink it. The would be member burnt his nose, dropped the glass, and sent a blue blaze down the length of the bar. DQed!

billymac said...

I fuck for me

Colonel Colonel said...

Whoa, Everclear will put the shine on your Star of Bethlehem.

"Everclear is gaining popularity as fuel for the alcohol stoves and Beverage-can stoves often used by ultralight backpackers... (it) can be used as a hand cleanser, disinfectant, panic suppressant, painkiller, or as a beverage mixer.
Everclear is also sometimes used as a cleaner for tobacco and marijuana smoking pipes to dissolve residual tar and resin. It is also sometimes used to lubricate valves in brass musical instruments (trumpets, tubas, etc) in extremely cold weather.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Mike: probably for the best. i heard jesus likes to do weird things with large peices of wood. i'm thinking ass splinters would suck.

Capt: hot. fucking your way into god's good graces.

REH: it's a decent movie. i was pleasently surprised. bring AT LEAST a 6 pack. can't be running out, right?

Hungry: that's fucking hillarious. when i lived with my ex, one of our friends came over and proceeded to show us how bacardi 151 would light on fire. he dumped out a shot glass worth on our coffee table, not getting that bars themselves are coated with shit so the wood deosnt get burnt. so we had a coffee table with burn spots on it. real classy.

Billy: fuck for the me too. for the HONOR of tequila mockingbird!!!

Colonel: agreed

Malach the Merciless said...

I frack for Captain Flak Paperpants

Bob said...

On my 21st birthday I was given a flaming Dr. Pepper long after I should have been cut off. The instructions were pretty clear, set shot ablaze, dunk shot in the beer, drink the beer. Thats the pussy way to do it though, I chose to take the flaming shot, which splashed all over my face taking some length off my mustache. Good thing I had the beer there to extinguish the flames.

On another note, GameWorks here in seattle has a bar that sits directly above the DDR machines. Getting drunk and heckling rug-cutters is immensely amusing.

No more flaming shots for this guy, and bring your A-game if you wanna play DDR in front of me.

Beach Bum said...

Damnit, I went to a late night showing of "I am Legend",and did not bring any vodka. Zombies and vodka would have been a winner. I did bring a flask filled with a margarita for my wife and me when we took the kids to see "Alvin and the Chipmunks" the next day.

BBC said...

If you drink as much as you say you do I see you heading for a treatment program someday. Possibly it will be forced on you.

Jesus wasn't a homo, he had Mary to sex.

BBC said...

Yeah, Jesus did love his wine and sex.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Malach: um.. hot?

Bob: remembering how you DESPISED pop culture when we were younger, the image of you playing DDR is fucking hillarious. sell out.

Beach: must be a helluva flask. id need a camelbak with margarita's.

BBC: aren't you a buzzkill. i do just fine with my alcohol. i hold down a full time job (i'm never drunk there), never had a DUI, and dont let it effect relationships with friends or family. does your overwhelming tendancy to be an assbag interefere with your relationships? maybe you should get some treatment for that

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Flaming Jesus? That sounds heavy.

[Un]Censored said...

Omg, I see you liked the comic site I sent you :) It's RAD!

There are some effin' awesome ones.