There’s nothing like watching that show “Intervention” to really make me feel good about my life. For those of you who have never watched it, it’s about people who are addicted to something, and usually have lost much if not everything because of it. Someone that cares about them contacts the show, and they pretend to be doing a documentary on people with addiction and follow them around for a week.
I could be having seriously bad times, like for example, last night I was trying to wrap Giftmas presents drunk, and kept getting the curling ribbon tangled up or getting the tape stuck in my hair. I was cursing up a storm, and then Intervention came on. This girl was a meth addict, 19 years old with the teeth like an old garden rake. She felt she didn’t have any problems (except for her pesky family getting in the way). Also, she was fucking random dudes for the money to get more drugs. Seems like she has a bright future; almost as bright as the light bulbs she smokes meth out of.
Which brings me to a concept my coworker Calvin Crustitron and I came up with: “the rock bottom theory.” Men when they are addicted to a substance or have some problem that interferes with being a functioning member of society, they hit rock bottom and usually realize they need help. However, with women, this doesn’t happen. If they are moderately decent looking, they can strip and have the money to keep their addiction going. Even if they are a disgusting skell, they can still find some poor, pathetic bastard to pay to stick in it one of their three rancid holes. By the time they have no other options they are usually unsalvageable. By that time they probably have one of the STD’s that stick with you for life, a criminal record, and a look to them that makes them unemployable most everywhere.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about writing the producers of Intervention, to let them know how their show has increased my self esteem, and that I keep at least three episodes TIVO’ed so when I have an awful day, I just watch one of those, and see a person who lives in their Ford Escort and takes a dump in bus stops (who wants to go to the bathroom with the wind whistling up their butthole?) and instantly I feel like I’m on top of the fucking world.