Friday, December 21, 2007

Scavenging for Jesus' Birthday

Yesterday was my office holiday party. Instead of doing the typical, open-bar gathering, where someone makes out with the secretary in the broom closet, my office had a scavenger hunt in Uptown Minneapolis. Granted, all of us are under 30, and full of vim and vigor, but honestly this is not how I wanted to spend my Thursday afternoon (even if I was still getting paid). It was icy and shitty, with a couple inches of snow on the ground, and because of my pins and plate in my leg, I’m just one slip and fall away from being a legitimate cripple. Not to mention, I had the pregnant girl on my team, and she wasn’t moving very fast.

I don’t actually like most of my coworkers (there’s a shocker), so I felt that it would be in everyone’s best interest for me to get a little festive beforehand. At lunch with Sarah, I had two apple martinis. This did wonders for my patience level, as I found out I like my coworkers much better after downing a couple. One of the questions was phrased like this: “Horst Rechelbacher created this product, for which Tequila Mockingbird has no use for this product because of her natural and ample _______.” Calvin Crustitron and Sarah automatically come up with “BOOOBS” as their answer. Their other partner thought it might be “curls” instead, which fit because there was an Aveda salon nearby.
scavengerhunt

We had the distinct pleasure of dodging hobos (we ended up feeding one with our McDonalds we had bought, to get the toy out of the happy meal). No bum dodging was necessary last year, as the scavenger hunt took place in the Mall of America; but there were tourists there, and I after living the majority of my life in Fla, I DESPISE tourists… I’m not quite sure which is worse, panhandlers or dumbass tourists.

Other exciting shenanigans included (but not limited to) getting kicked out of various retail stores because they do NOT like you taking pictures. Leaving our Polaroid camera at old Chicago (it wouldn’t have mattered how many points we got, losing the camera would’ve been an instant FAIL) while on a quest to get a seasonal item; the other two teams picked bread, we went for a bottle of winter lager and got extra points! We did manage to get it back. Also, I had to sneak in the band area at Famous Daves, and play the drums (I like how my boss had stuff on the list that would get us in trouble). The staff was not amused.
scavenger hunt2


We didn’t win, despite trying to convince the shops and businesses not to help the other teams. Afterwards we went to Chino Latino, and got down to the business of boozing and pretending to get along splendidly. Great food, but I was disappointed that the “house of wang’s salt and pepper shrimp” wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be…

For all of you thirsty readers, another recipe in my 12 drinks of Giftmas series:

Giftmas Hunch Punch
  • 1 bottle of Southern Comfort (750 milliliter size)
  • 6 oz of lemon juice
  • 1 6 oz can of frozen lemonade concentrate (thawed, dumbasses)
  • 1 6 oz can of frozen orange juice concentrate
  • 3 liters of lemon lime flavored carbonated beverage
  • 1 orange, sliced into rounds
  • l lemon, sliced into rounds

Combine all of into a big ass bowl. Stir. It's not rocket science.

27 comments:

Jay said...

Running around in the snow and ice on a scavenger hunt? Yeah, I think I would just find a warm bar and stay there.

You might like your coworkers more if THEY were a bit drunk too! LOL ;-)

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Sounded like fun. Have a Merry Christmas.

RockDog said...

I now know that I am old...the thought of a scavenger hunt makes me twitch with feelings of violence and alcoholism.

Today's drink sounds mighty nice! I hope Santa brings me a flask full.

Rock ON!

Landon said...

I think we should go panhandling for christmas weekend. Hit suckers up when they're the most festive. I got some grubby clothes I could wear, you can just wear your usual... :p

TED VELVET said...

they should have made you scavenge for bums. one drunk one pee pee smelling one whoo talks to invisible people that would have been the christian christmas thing to do.

R.E.H. said...

I kind of like my company parties, be it Christmas or any other event.

Guess it has something to do with the fact that I work with mostly young girls...

Leighann said...

Did you know that in Iowa, Panhandlers have to have a permit!

*gigglesnort*

Colonel Colonel said...

The best way to win a scavenger hunt is wait 'till another team gets all the stuff, then roll them and steal it all.

I suppose that doesn't really say "Merry Christmas", but, um, it's a cruel world, and the sooner people learn that the better, right?

MILFgasm said...

You should have called us before you left Uptown - we just across the street from you! Hey - today's drink would be good in the summer, too. You could freeze it in an ice cream pail without the soda and then you scrape it out of the pail into a glass and top with soda! (I have a recipe similar to this one but it calls for brandy - Brandy Slush it's called.)

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

A funny story AND a drink recipe? I'm sold.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Ample boobs is the answer to all great questions!

moooooog35 said...

You should have brought back a hobo.

..not only would it have garnered you extra points, but you'd have someone else to share your Wang with.

katie said...

man, i hate scavenger hunts. hate'em all. but you sound like you made the best of it. good for you, Tequila.
alcohol makes everyone more pleasant to be around. x-mas day with the in-laws is gonna be a total booze fest. the only way to cope with all the dysfunction.:)

AngryMan said...

I don't think that Uncle Mitt Romney would approve of such behavior . . .
Which is probably a good thing.

Joey Polanski said...

Till now, I nevr seen th appeal o bein a hobo.

Jus think ... evry day coud be a scavengr hunt!

Mike said...

There's no place like a warm and cozy bar on a snowy day.

Samantha_K said...

At least I'm not the only one who always gets stuck with the pregnant chick.

Sounds like a time, now pass me that punch...

Malach the Merciless said...

I hope you enjoy your gift from the Murk and Malach Show

Beach Bum said...

Tourist really suck far worse than any panhandler.

Hungry Mother said...

I would think that bums would choose a better climate, like Key West. When I become homeless, I'm heading way south on U.S. 1.

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

I thought about you today. I bought my friend a shot glass made out of candy cane and found an ice cream parlor with a section that required you to be 21 and over. They have all sorts of real you can get drunk on alchol ice creams. If you ever head to SoCal, I'll buy you a cone.

Buzzardbilly said...

I love a scavenger hunt, but I have a tendency to go all Monica-on-Friends in competitions.

I don't know which is worse, tourists or panhandlers. I lived in Florida too. After about the ten thousandth "is it really this hot here all the time" tourist, I'd had my fill.

In England, though, they have these special young hippie-like panhandlers that travel from college town to college down. They call them dandelions because they only sprout up in the summer.

billymac said...

I would totally despise a scavenger hunt, I hate it when work trys to make a fun event out of bullshit "teambuilding" that most people hate.

BBC said...

Whatever.

FOUR DINNERS said...

I'm with Jay. Warm bar loads of booze....

Happy Chrimbo babe have a good'n xx

Sara Sue said...

I cringe at the very thought of Southern Comfort ... all from that one drunk back in 1973.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Sounds like a real treat (he says with sarcasm). Cavorting with coworkers when you could be with friends and family drinking.
Anyway, I hope you have a great holiday darlin'. I asked Santa for a picture of your boobs for Christmas.