LIGHTS OFFF!! Guerilla Radio....

Good News: I got to go home today an hour early because of snow! HOEEEEE-ray for me! So, when I left, stopped by the liquor store, at 4.40pm I was technically still getting paid!!!!! HOLY TITFUCK! Can't beat that with a stick (not even one with nails in it).

My knee has healed enough where I can hit the elliptical early in the morning to some Rage Against the Machine; I'm sure my neighbors love that shit at 6 am, but FUCK THEM because they have LOUD DISGUSTING SEX at all hours of the day. And it's not like I'm hating on them having the sex (because I like to get laid as much as the next young, liquored up chick), but they are gross looking. If they were super hot, that would be entirely acceptable.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but that's ok, because I am pre-drinking to get ready to go out. So, I leave you all with this (thanks to TheWurx). Be careful folks, you could get it too!

Rip it all to shreds and let it go

Once again I have sucummed to peer pressure. The blogosphere has been posting songs that they think sums them up, much like a theme song. Here's mine, no explanations are needed. Thanks to Simply Curious for coming up with this.

Darwinism Strikes Again!

I came across a story today that though it will not win March’s Douchebag of the Month award, it should receive and honorary mention for all of the stupidity involved. To summarize it, a tourist died from shark bites, which in and of itself wouldn’t be that big of a deal, HOWEVER… the sharks were around this dumb ass diver because they had been chumming the waters with bloody fish parts. Imagine that, sharks being attracted to bloody fish? A real shocker (silly sharks and their instincts). The kicker is that he PAID people to do this! Why not just poke the shark in the eye with a stick?

The Scuba Adventures’(the company that took him out), website promises the opportunity to get “face to face” with sharks. Well what a golden fucking opportunity! Hell, while were getting face to face with nature, how about covering ourselves in antelope blood and running around in a cage of lions? Well, Mr. Markus Groh certainly had his “unique shark trip;” I wonder if they still ran his credit card and charged him for it?


At first I wasn’t sure who was more of a douchebag, the dead guy or the company. Then I realized that because this guy was paying for them to do this, he was the ultimate douchebag. It doesn’t even sound like a remotely good idea on their website: "consequently, there will be food in the water at the same time as the divers. Please be aware that these are not 'cage' dives, they are open water experiences." I think anyone who finds that an awesome idea, save for maybe the croc hunter types (because that’s stupidity at it’s most entertaining!), deserves to get their ass bit by a shark, otherwise their stupidity will just continue to run rampant, unchecked.

Putting out the fire

So I totally remembered why I stopped smoking weed this weekend. In college, I was one of those students that went to class high, did homework high, studied high, took the test high and got high grades. But eventually, I stopped. While moving, I found my water bong, and mentioning this to a friend, my friend gave me a present. All this past week, I was having a helluva time, enjoying my present, and I kept telling Landon, “Jesus-tap-dancin-Christ, why did I ever stop chonging down? This is GREAAAAAT!!”

Positive evidence for not stopping was when on Friday, I got ready for all you can eat FREE shrimp at Stella’s by having some herbal essence. We walked down, and I will say this, there was an ugly, middle aged, overweight woman (reeking of liquid butter and overall dissatisfaction with her life) who was standing by the bowl of fried shrimp, just shoveling shit on her plate, and then she gave me a bunch of shit when I tried to get some with the other set of grabbers. Fucking greedy bitch, BUuuut because I was a little more chilled out than usual I just smiled and was patient. I could’ve punched her in the throat like I did the last chick that fucked with me, but I did have plans later that night and I did not want to go to jail.

This positive was negated by when on the way back home, Landon warned me about this huge patch of ice, but there was this girl walking towards us with this tacky skirt (the best way to describe it is if someone ate a clown wig and then threw it up in the shape of paisleys), and because she was large, there was so much more skirt to appreciate so I was entranced. Next thing I know, I’m looking up at Landon from the ground. My knee instantly turned black/blue. Looks hot, doesn’t it?


More to remind me why I quit smoking was when I was looking at my hair, and noticed a silver hair (oddly enough, it’s straight too), and then I got paranoid (hmm, wonder why?) that I was aging overly fast. Landon thought it was hilarious, because he started going silver when he was 19. I made him come with me to Liquor Lyles that afternoon for some two-for-one’s, to make the pain lessen. I ended up forgetting my card at the bar and even though we went back and I got it, it legitimately sucked. I could deal with losing my keys and my phone around the apartment, but that’s just too much.

So there you have it… I think I’m tapping out of any greenery, and I’m taking ginko bilboa to offset any short term memory loss so I don’t forget this time.

BRING ON THE HATE

BLOGGING MILESTONE; I got my first hate comments yesterday! I think this means I have arrived as a blogger, when random people post angry comments, not about my writing, but as me as a person. If anything, this totally reinforces my raging narcissism; if some assbag thinks I’m so lame I should kill myself, yet still continues to read my blog, that means my shit must be pretty fucking awesome. I was so tickled by it, I almost sent out a Myspace bulletin. The amusing aspect about this is, as anyone who really knows me can tell you, I thrive upon conflict. Despite this, I doubt I’ll be responding to anymore comments of the sort… that’s giving the commenter(s) too much validation. However, feel free to BRING ON THE HATE!

Moving right along, I’ve seen this meme going around, about what our 10 commandments would be. What an apropos time to do it!

1. Thou shall not attempt to parallel park if one cannot do it in 30 seconds or less. I swear to fucking tap dancing Christ if I see one more dumb ass block the street for 7 min while trying to parallel park, I will throw my latte at him. THAT’S 7 PRECIOUS MINUTES YOU’RE THEIVING FROM MY HAPPY HOUR!!!! If you can’t parallel park, either don’t come into the city or pay to park.
2. Thou shall not chew ice in the movie. Not only is it bad for your teeth, it annoys the piss out of me. I hope all of your teeth fall out because you do not deserve to have them. Hey, all the better to give gum jobs with!
3. Thou shall not mix my drink poorly and then give me a nasty look when I top it off from the ketel one in my flask.
4. Thou shall not use “Candle in the Wind” for anymore dead celebrities (this is mainly directed towards Elton John); why not write a new song when Princess Di kicked it? Especially if they were such good friends. Even if she was a stranger, recycling death songs is sick. Dear Sir Elton John, please remove the lance from your ass. I think when Britany Spears dies her song will be “Goodbye Skanky Whore”
5. Thou shall not use dissolving Listerine whitening strips. The jism-like substance on the back of your teeth moves to the roof of your mouth, and you end up looking like a dog with peanut butter in its mouth.
6. Thou shall not let thy whores drink my booze (this is mainly directed at Landon). It hasn’t happened yet, but lets not let it, and we’ll get along nice.
7. If you are in the far left lane, thy peddle must meet thy metal. Thou shall not try to block me from passing by speeding up. You are in a 4 cylinder, I am not. You will not win anything other than my scorn.
8. Thou shall not use the word “stat” unless you have a medical degree. If I hear one more person at Caribou say they need their chai “STAT” I’m going to throw the scalding liquid in their face.
9. Thou shall not worship Brangelina offspring.
10. Thou shall not panhandle in front of the bar. Unless you are the guy by Williams with one leg that has a hilarious sign that says “I’m on my last leg, please help,” but it was kind of a falsehood because he wasn’t standing, he was sitting on the ground.

UPDATE: it seems there is one I need to add: If hair grows from thy facial mole, ye shall pluck it every fortnight.

Which Came 1st, The Homo or the Republican?

So I heard about it again today…Another republican caught in a homo-erotic sex scandal. This time, it was Bush judicial nominee Robert Somma when he rear-ended another motorist after getting shitfaced at a gay bar. Apparently he was wearing some sexy-time fishnet stockings, and a cocktail dress (well, at least it wasn’t a slutty dancing-whore dress…see, I KNEW he had morals) and had to fish through his purse to get his drivers license.


With the problems following the republican party, it makes me wonder, do they pick these assholes up in a gay bar before nominating them? With such shining examples as Larry Craig (come one, why in my city? At least George Michael had the decency to keep his bathroom shenanigans in California), and Mark Foley electronically pedo-feeling up one of his male pages, I don’t get why the Republicans are so anti-homosexual rights. It just reinforces my opinion that the most homophobic people are usually the ones who secretly want to be gay.

Do they think that by denying open homosexuals their rights that it will make the members of their party any less covetous of cock in their ass? But it’s like that riddle ‘which came first, the chicken or the egg..’ where maybe they think if they give homosexuals equal rights that more Republicans will come out of the closet. Hell, I think that there would be less scandals if they could just be open about it.

It's About Goddamn Time!

So today I was sent the link about Lindsey Lohan posing nude as Marilyn Monroe in her last sitting (be sure to check the slideshow, there are boobs galore). WOW! Now that she’s not all drugged up and has a little meat on her bones she really has a decent set of cans. Don’t get me wrong, when she was Dachau thin and she looked like she could fuck me with her collar bone, that was hot too. Laying off the diet of cocaine and self-destruction is really flattering.

She says she did the photo shoot because she was a huge fan of Marilyn Monroe, but I’m pretty sure she did the shoot and agreed to get nekkid so easily in a last ditch effort to stay relevant. Yes, I understand she did the ragingly successful Herbie movie, but her fame was never because of her career, and people were starting to hesitate in hiring her. And now that she is ‘sober’ (we’ll see… I give it 6 months before she’s snorting something off of Paris’ hipbone), she can’t be a tabloid disaster, what else does she really have to offer us than some naked pics? Good move, Lindsey, probably your best one as of yet. Now get out there and make a sex tape and then your career will REALLY take off (p.s. make sure it’s in that green night vision lighting that they use to catch illegals hopping the border).

So, what I can’t figure out is who will like these pictures the most? Old men who had a boner for Marilyn Monroe? Pedophiles who watched her in the Parent Trap? Her creepy dad that’s always hanging around and trying to hold her hand? Hmmm… it’s really a toss up.

Bongwater Breath

After the last few days, I am not drinking today. I seriously need to dry out. Thursday night I went to The Rock nightclub to see Nonpoint, a band that's actually from around the same place I'm from in Florida. My friend had won tickets, and despite them having HORRIBLY mixed drinks, I agreed to go. It's sad when after topping off my third drink, my flask was empty . The opening bands sucked ass, as most local bands do (sometimes it's time to just realize you should go back to community college because you're not going to be a rockstar). Awesomely, I ran into my fat twin again, and even though she said she would email me a picture that her friend took of us, I don't see it happening... guess my twin is as lazy as I am.

Friday night I wasn't even planning on going out because I had been out almost every night during the week, but then Hart called and said that him, his brother, and Calvin Crustitron were going out. I managed to get myself together and walk next door, and after a few shots of sambuca we went to Old Chicago. Some of my favorite staff was working there, and they always take care of me and whomever I'm with. Happy hour ended so we went Green Mill cause it's so near home for us. Unfortunately it was crowded, so Calvin starts chatting up some large black ladies with the other half of their table free. They got to be thicker than theives. We left to go back to Hart's house for more drinking and Guitar Hero, but he stayed behind to hang out with our tablemates.

Saturday I hit the elliptical extra hard and sweated it out. Some people Calvin Crustitron and Hart went to school with in Red Wing were throwing a party. House parties are when I'm in my element, this one was no exception. I am also proud to report they taught me a new drinking game. Booze Pong; yes it's much like beer pong, but we were playing on their hardwood floor and we had mini basketball hoops behind us. If you touched the other teams backboard, it was worth 2 drinks, for any of the four cups in front that was 3 drinks, and if you made it in the basket, 4 drinks. Also there was a sudden death colander in the middle that making it into would require the other team to finish their entire drink. After some of this, Hart decided he was back to his old wrestling days, and started tackling people. I think this is how I ended up with some of my U.D.I's.

Hmm, well I guess that wraps it up. I think I should probably go eat more vitamins.

Thank Cthulhu It's Friday!

I’ll get around to writing about my VD tomorrow (and by VD I mean Valentine’s Day, not what your mom has), but for now I’m in recovery mode with bottles of water and some green tea extract pills. However, I figure I should give you a Whitman’s sampler of good times for your Friday, but I’ll leave the nasty toothpaste flavored chocolate out.

This first item was sent to me by Buzzardbilly. It’s perfect for the boozy woman out on the town, who wants to get shitfaced, yet still be safe. Not only is it a cane to help keep you steady so you don’t fall down, but with a solid brass handle you could give someone a serious beat down if they tried to fuck with you. The best part is with the corked flask in the center, that pops open with the handle is removed. I don’t know how I could go wrong with this, it’s the ultimate accessory for a classy burgeoning alcoholic.The second awesome thing that was brought to my attention was that Guinness has a proposition to make St Patrick’s Day a ‘real’ holiday. Being 100% Irish, I don’t think I can fully express the ginormous boner I have for this. It would officially allow us to express our Irishness (and believe me, I have a metric ass ton of it), and would be a way for non-Irish people to commemorate St. Patrick, who was legitimately an amazing guy. Frankly, I don’t know if I would have the stones to drive a bunch of snakes out of Ireland, but this guy did. So, go to the site, and sign the petition; even if you aren’t Irish, would you REALLY turn down an extra day off of work? It only takes a couple of minutes.

Happy Fuckin' Valentines Day

It's that one special day of the year when people can show their significant other they love them, through oral sex of course... I wish you all the best of luck with that (this product might help you get oral sex... what says eternal love more than a valentines day flask?) For those of you who are single and trying to find their special shnookems snugglebuddy via the intrawebs (hey, they can't all be rapists who will commit identity theft, RIIIGHT?), I have some advice about internet dating profiles:
1. don't put that you are trying to "turn your life around." that makes everyone assume you are a drug addict or just got out of jail.
2. guys, dont take a picture with your cat. just because you have cat doesn't make you look like any less of a scum merchant, BUT might make us think you are gay and just won't admit it.
3. don't have pictures with someone else shoving their tongue down your ear. it makes you seem a little unavailable.
4. don't put that you "like to have fun." we can all safely assume everyone likes to have fun, unless you're one of these emo bastards that sits around cutting on themselves.
5. and most importantly, if you can't string some words together in a coherent sentence, with some cool jive like punctuation and whatnot, don't fucking bother. just buy a prostitute.

If intranets dating isn't going so hot for you (if you're hideous looking, what do you expect? Personality doesn't count in a picture), maybe you should try one of these sites.

And because I love you all from the bottom of my pickled heart, here's a Valentine (no, it is not redeemable for the afore mentioned oral sex):

Office Harmony Reached by Traveling The Road of Douchbaggery

Today I developed a new found respect for my office and coworkers. I have bitched and moaned about the people I work with, and different passive aggressive shenanigans I perpetrated upon them in the effervescent spirit of douchebaggery. But this morning, something happened that washed away the tidal wave of contempt I had for their incompetence.

A little back story about my office, there is a grand total of 12 of us here, and we LOVE our cake. Whether it’s for birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, pet’s death, new babies (so far no dead babies, but then again the pregnant girl is only 5 months along), promotions, etc… we don’t fucking care. Bring on the cake. Especially early in the morning. So, knowing that it was ToolBag’s 35th birthday this weekend, we were all anticipating cake bright and early on Monday. When he decided to be a pussy and not come in because the heat in his car wasn’t working (fucking man up and put a scarf on!), we were left with a big decision. Do we wait until tomorrow? HELL NO! So at 10 am this morning, we all sat around the conference room table and ate half of his dairy queen cake. That wasn’t enough, though. But once we recorded us eating the cake while singing happy birthday to him, THEN it was enough. That was of course promptly forwarded to him.

The sheer cruelty of eating someone else’s birthday cake and then shoving it in their face was enough to restore respect in my coworkers. I guess I should probably stop poking holes in the bottom of the Styrofoam coffee cups now.

Working Out With Chuck

I brought Chuck over today, now it really feels like home. It wasn't easy to get him here though. First I had to take pliers to him, to release him from the nails that crucified him to the basement wall in Lawyerman's house. And of course today was windier than Oprah's asshole, so he kept trying to fly away both on the trip from house to car and car to apartment. I am sad to say we had a rip. For all of the legend about him (like, there is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck's keyboard, because he is ALWAYS in control), he tore fairly easily.

Luckily for us all, it was only a slight rip; hey, I don't want to get my ass kicked because of it, and because he's omnipotent, he KNOWS when an effigy of him is damaged. So I decided to put him up next to the elliptical machine, so that way when I start slowing down, I have Chuck looking down upon me, telling me that is unnacceptable, and he will roundhouse kick me in the taint if I dont speed up.


This weekend was super cold, so no real awesomely entertaining stories. However, I have had like 6 people tell me about this product. With all of my flask adventures and focus on my fantastic rack, a booze bra does just scream "Tequila Mockingbird," as loud as a first time porn chick faking it. I like how when people hear about this product they instantly think about me. I guess it's better than if a facial wart remover product reminded people of me.


I would totally dig this product, because the biggest problems I have with my flask, is that I lose the top to it, or that it's bulky. And because I already have ample endowments, it's not like at the end of the night I would be left flatchested. The one concern I have about it, is that if I sprang a leak, then my shirt would reek of vodka. "Yeah Officer, my flask bra sprang a leak...", wouldn't neccessarily help me if I got pulled over. Either way, it's good to see inventors are making quality and important products for boozy broads like me.

Help Me Solve This Mystery

So, it’s going to be super cold around here again, but then it IS Minnesota, so not all that much of a shocker. Although, I can’t wait for this global warming deal to pan out, because then it’ll be like a tropical paradise here, while you other fuckers are burning to death. Anyway, I digress. Even though I live in the perfect location in Uptown, within walking distance to many awesome establishments (and by establishments I mean places that serve booze), unfortunately in the winter that walk isn’t always pleasant. To make it a more bearable walk (and by bearable I mean not having a Donner party experience), we wear layers and whatnot. Usually, I jihad my face up in a scarf, and Landon wears a ski mask. It turns out everyone looks like a rapist/robber in a ski mask.

Take this picture for example. Here we are, smiling and drinking beer, he's giving that reassuring I-promise-not-to-assault-you thumb up, yet something's just not quite right. Is it impossible to look non-threatening in a ski mask?

Or this picture; he’s just taking a sip of his beer, while pretending to strangle our friend The Novice. WTF? How does he STILL manage to look creepy?

I just don’t get it. Like when we were leaving Bar Abilene (hey they had $3 margaritas, it was worth walking a few blocks in 20 below zero temps), and Landon had his ski mask on, there were these three girls getting out of a car and he said “HEEEEEEEEEEEY LADIEEEEEEEEEES!” and none of them looked like they wanted to chat…Doesn’t everyone want to chat with ski mask clad guys? They aren't ALL terrorists or muggers.

February's Douchebag of The Month

It’s that special time of the month again where I am filled with rage and discomfort. No, not THAT you sickass bastards, it’s Douchebag of the Month time, and this story had the big D-word practically scrolling off the screen. Congratulations Japan, for resuming whale hunting you are now February’s sumo sized Douchebag of the month.
Whale hunting? Come on Japan. Why not just club some baby seals after a nice hearty breakfast of panda sausage and scrambled bald eagle eggs? These Godzilla-douches are thoroughly stomping the whale population, killing more than 1,000 a year. As if marinating their fish with mercury wasnt enough, now they feel the need to swing their samurai sword of douchebaggery to get whales one step closer to extinction. And because the Japanese are like Nick Nolte and ass rape (inseparable), I doubt they will ever stop. Just like every time I see Nick Nolte, I remember the dream I had about him assraping me, I see the Japanese culture intertwined with a national sense of doucheyness.Despite my appreciation of sushi and the hot geishas they have, Japan has committed other douche-tivities. Like that kamikaze bullshit in World War II. And what the fuck’s up with them having people sleep in drawers? Seems like discrimination on tall people like me. I could never fit in one of those. Their subjugation of women pisses me off too. With their culture and history littered with much douchetitude, they were worthy winners of this award long before the restarting of whale killing.

Cornucopia of Midgets

I get off work early on Friday’s, and Landon had decided to be a deadbeat and take the day off work, so we were able to hit Stella’s rooftop café for two-for-one’s and free shrimp (HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG WITH FREE FUCKING SHRIMP!!!!), not to mention a cool sign on the wall that says “Our Mullet is Clean, What About Yours?” Landon put an obese man to shame, and received his scorn as he shoveled in shrimp with reckless abandonment. Although, I will say this, I think they were trying to discourage our gluttonesque behavior, because they had pictures on the walls of large people scantily clad. I understand why this would be good when they were giving away food, but for the people who paid for food, I would think it might make them turn down dessert.


On the walk to Stella’s we saw a midget talking on her phone. Being totally into midgets, I started flipping out, going on about how this was a harbinger of the good times that were in store for us that evening. But Landon pointed out that the midget was angry, and possibly meant the opposite. When we got home, he cleverly drank water, I did not. By nine when we went over to Hart’s house next door, I was already way past tipsy. Turns out shrimp really doesn’t soak it up. The three of us walked to Old Chicago, and I tried to sober up, but it was not working, and even my favorite waiter knew I was not in a good way. I passed out early at 11, proving Landon correct that an angry midget WAS foreshadowing of a bad evening.

Saturday night I redeemed myself. I’ll admit to some douchebaggery of leaving a date early when I got a call from Calvin Crustitron telling me he was next door at Hart’s house and they were going out. I hastily left, called Landon, told him to fill up my flask. We went to the Drink where I saw HER. The cutest little midget girl I had EVER seen. I didn’t know what to do, so I just went for it, and asked her if she would be into wrestling with me in lime jello. At first she didn’t take me seriously, asked me to tell her friend, and I hesitantly but excitedly did. I explained it wasn’t a sexual thing and hell, I would even let her win. SHE AGREED!!! And I have her phone number. I haven’t called yet, because I wasn’t sure what the protocol was, or if I should wait 3 days like after a date. I’m open to suggestions for this one.

Calvin Crustitron was self-admittedly being a scumbag and chatting up some pregnant girl to get in with her friends. He ended up drunkenly making out with some girl in the McDonald’s drive thru after bar close when she let him in her car because McDonalds wouldn’t serve him. For the second time, I about lost the top of my cell phone flask and only managed to find it at bar close when they turned on the lights. I think I need to wear it around a chain on my neck.

Awake, But Not Quite Up To Par Yet...

Hope this weekend has been treating you sonsofbitches ok. Mine has been going splendidly. More on that tomorrow when I am not so terribly hungover. I know I haven't really acknowleged it, but thanks for all of the fanfuckingtastic awards I've been receiving. It really validates my raging narcissism. I know I'm supposed to pass some of them on, but I probably won't because I dont feel tool-ish enough yet. No worries, I'll get there. So thanks R.E.H., Just Sayin', Hungry Mother, Matt-Man, BuzzardBilly, Quixotic Hierophant, Angryman and anyone else I might have left out. If you people REALLY wanted to please me, you would get me a toothbrush like this:

The Most Bizarre Convo Ever

I'm feeling a little hungover this morning, and my cell smells like $3 margaritas and has salt all over it, so I'll post a conversation an old friend and I had (dude, sorry; I held off on posting this as long as I could. Hey, at least I protected your identity.)

(10:23:43)HIM: there is one other thing that intrigues me although i have never personally tried it out...
(10:25:20) ME: what intrigues you
(10:25:39) HIM: heh your gonna think i am a weird reprobate and cease to speak to me :) (10:26:03) ME: just tell me, christ, i've probably heard it anyway
(10:26:18) HIM: Transexual women who have chosen to not complete the procedure. From all external signs they are women in thought and appeareance and yet they continue to have the original genitalia
(10:26:35) ME: i see. I can honestly say I didn’t see that coming.
(10:26:52) HIM: well transexuals in general but the male to female far outnumber the female to male
(10:28:46) HIM: hence the recent change in how such people like to refer to themselves as intersexual or some other term because they have chosen to be somehow both
(10:29:35) ME: so you want a tranny, to what, fuck you in the ass?HARD?
(10:29:51) HIM: heh, it would be an interesting experience i admit that
(10:30:15) HIM: has it never crossed your mind, what it would be like? ?
(10:31:00)ME: no it has never crossed my mind
(10:31:10) ME: i like guys to fuck me hard, and I like chicks.
(10:31:16) ME: but i do not want them combined
(10:32:19) HIM: i have heard some male to female transexuals still identify as bisexual and enjoy sex with women unlike the stereotype that they are just gay guys in drag
(10:32:40) HIM: ...with tits
(10:34:04) HIM: i guess i am glad to be just a run of the mill guy who likes to fuck chicks, and on a rare occaision feel the desire to have a guy ...
(10:34:24) ME: i dont know how run of the mill that is. Seems a little fuckered up
(10:34:32)HIM: heh i mean by comparison
(10:35:14) HIM: i think like you i prefer relationships with women because it makes sense to me but guys hold no interest for me in that regard
(10:35:33) ME: but they hold interest to you, in the way of them fucking you in the ass (10:35:42) HIM: if i had to say anything i would say I am like 90% into chicks and 10% into guys
(10:35:57) HIM: only under very specific circumstances
(10:36:03) ME: why dont you just have a fat man with boobs fuck you in the ass?
(10:36:13) HIM: hehehehe eww gross
(10:36:36)ME: ok, so THATS gross, but trannys are cool?
(10:37:18) HIM: no i think its cuz they look like women completely from the external except for just the genitalia which is usually hidden and its gone beyond being simply a drag queen (10:37:33) ME: wow, you’ve thought about this a lot.

(10:37:40) HIM: they actually feel like they are women ....not gay men
(10:38:09)HIM: or at least mostly female since some have kept the original equipment as it were
(10:39:28) HIM: if you had come across a hypothetically beautiful case would you consider it ? since you do like the female form and you do like to have a guy fuck you
(10:40:09) ME: NO! I WOULD NOT LET A TRANNY FUCK ME
(10:40:28) ME: ive told you, i love to get some dick, and love chicks bodies, but i do not want to combine those. it's like, i love eating lasagna and masterbating, but i dont want to combine the two.
(10:40:59) HIM: thats fine okay ... I didnt expect the strength of reaction just now
(10:41:26) HIM: I was just supposing... not suggesting you go to the nearest drag queen bar and get it on :)
(10:42:35) HIM: and personally neither would I ....just because i find it interesting doesnt mean i have an attraction to it on a personal level...
(10:42:59) ME: have you been with a tranny? how else would you know what it feels like (10:43:04) HIM: i just think alot about odd shit like that to try and figure it out why some people are the way they are , and why others are so completely different, but I haven’t. (10:43:12) ME: you think about it a lot, how much is a lot? Like every waking second? (10:43:24) HIM: i dont mean alot about trannys i mean all sorts of things
(10:43:33) ME: i see, so there's more? ok I’m tapping out of the convo.