Friday, October 26, 2007

Literal Drunk Ass

Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but I like to drink my booze. Bob brought to my attention this morning a story about alcoholic enemas. This guy (and possibly also this guy) was addicted to enemas (ew, what an shitty thing to be addicted to…. Even heroin with it’s painful and violently ill withdraws and propensity to start sucking dick for cash is better than THAT), and like to fill them with booze to get drunk. It ended up killing him, but I bet he was shitfaced before he died(your intestines absorb booze much more quickly than your stomach does).

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He is not alone in zest for getting anally drunk. During a search of this practice (won’t it be fun if my job ever checks the sites I visit at work?), I found many groups, and “how to” websites. My favorites are some of the helpful tips they gave. Some seemed like common sense; for example they say you should use warm beer or wine. Why? Because cold alcohol might be uncomfortable… YOU ARE STICKING A TURKEY BASTER UP YOUR ASS TO GET DRUNK!!! I did not think comfort would be a key part of the equation.
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Whatever happened to good ol’ fashioned getting buzzed off of ingesting liquor orally? Last night, I had a great time stumbling through a corn field maze after some flask action. There was no need to shove anything up my ass, alien-probe style. I think when you get to the point where getting drunk the regular way just isn’t enough to rock your dock, it’s time to hit a rehab facility. Much more appealing than shooting booze up my ass is this. Vodka pills sound awesome and only take 24 hours. If it hasn’t already happened yet, I’m sure there will be combining of anal boozing and vodka pills with the insertion of them into someone’s ass.

25 comments:

Joey Polanski said...

You lightweights jus wanna get drunk.

Some o us atchualy wanna pickle our own giblets!

Anonymous said...

Do you suck in the booze (can the asshole suck) swish and spit? Or do you have to hang on to it?

I'm confused...I guess I will have to see for myself.

Landon said...

I can't believe I was the only one man enough to hold your legs while the bong was inserted.

Funny to think that up until this point I thought you put bottles in your rectum just for the feeling, not the alcohol content. :s

Sorry to hear about the one breaking, use a plastic bottlenext time.

Love,
Landon

Malach the Merciless said...

Hey, don't knock anal crystal meth until you try it.

C.Rag said...

I just drink & then have a anal sex.

Phoebe Fay said...

I used to think knowledge was a good thing, but I'm beginning to believe in the old ignorance is bliss idea.

The Internet is a major destroyer of my bliss.

TED VELVET said...

I thought you were a drunk?imbibing alcohol through your mouth is so 2006, hop on board the enema train and stop being such a prude. Ass up to the bar, loosen the cornhole and enjoy the good life.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Joey: my giblets are pickled enough without putting booze in my ass.

Anon: i'm not sure. try it and get back to me with a report.

Landon: with as foul as you have made the car smell, you need to STFU about people's asses.

Malach: wouldn't the lightbulb break in your ass when you were trying to smoke the meth out of it?

C.rag: you should make a mixture of alcahol and anal-eeze for your lubricant. kill two birds with one stone

Phoebe: agreed.

Ted: i AM a burgeoning alcaholic, but i'm not hardcore enough to get drunk using my ass.

Colonel Colonel said...

I'm with Phoebe.

ouch ouch ouch.

Mike said...

I have lived too long.

Jon said...

I know what I'm doing with my new skeleton funnel tomorrow night.

Jon said...

...shoving it up someones ass if they break any shit at my apartment.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Can you imagine the results if someone ingested some ex-lax about an hour before they butt gulped some alcohol?!

AngryMan said...

I've got nothing to say to that. That is disgusting. Oh, is that cartoon a theme in your life?

FOUR DINNERS said...

I'll drink anything alcoholic but never tried through that end before. If they ever staple my mouth shut I suppose it's a way around.....

Pope Benedict XVI said...

HEHEHE, they had this hazing ritual at Seminary School, only it involved his Blood. Hehehe

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Another thing I wish I'd never heard about. What the hell is wrong with people?

Baba Doodlius said...

I've heard of somebody being a big-ass drunk, but never a big ass-drunk. I can now say that I have heard it all.

Sara Sue said...

Ummm ... doesn't this have something of an enema effect as a *bonus*?

nursemyra said...

we do a lot of enemas at the gimcrack. pop on over for a visit. I think we could be friends :-)

p.s. I found you via my friend the good reverend at tetherdcow.com

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