Thursday, October 11, 2007

When Clowns Go Bad...

When did clowns go from being something that brought children joy, so a source of fear and misery? I know I never trusted clowns, and not just because of being a kid when Stephen King’s movie “IT” came out (come on, it’s a grown man wearing makeup and going out of his way to hang out with children). Today my suspicions are once again confirmed when I hear about Klutzo, a “Christian Clown”, who was found with a bunch of naked pictures of Filipino boys on his camera by airport security. Boy, was his nose red! Seems like he was spreading more than just God’s love to the orphanage…

Why do they even still let clowns visit children in hospitals? Don't these children have enough problems, with their leukemia and other life threatening illnesses, without having a possible child predator welcomed into their ward to play 'doctor'? And what dumbass parent is still hiring a clown for their child's birthday party? Why not just look up registered child molesters on the internet and ask them to come on over; the end result is usually the same. Even the creepy guy that does 'magic' tricks and is letting his 'wand' disappear into little Timmy's mouth is probably a better choice that Pervy the Clown.

At least Ouchy the S&M Clown is honest about being a sexual deviant. He will tie you up, beat your ass, and show you which clown is boss. It's the clowns that pretend they are happy-go-lucky and squirt you in the eye with water from their flower that we should be careful of. Besides, how do we even KNOW it's water that they shoot from their lapel? It could be more than their over sized novelty shoes poking you....
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I think we should listen to
Captain Spaulding from “The Devil’s Rejects” when he says: “never turn your back on a fucking clown!” Which means, YOU ARE ON FUCKING NOTICE RONALD MCDONALD! Keep it in your pants, because we don't need you making the meals any more happy.

25 comments:

C.Rag said...

Now there will be a show hosted by Chris Hansen..."To Catch a Clown"

Bruce, a work in progress said...

I have NEVER liked clowns. Just never thought they were funny but maybe deep down my intuition was telling me there was something a little off about them. Most people that I know think they're scarier than shit. My 19 year old daughter is terrified of them (and no, we never let one near her as a kid).

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I have always had a thing for Ronald Mc Donald.

He can hang his big red nose on my bedpost any day.

Eric & Pug said...

I don't even like chick clowns, although I'd still hit one.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

c.rag: i'm surprised we havent seen a clown on "to catch a predator" yet. it's coming...

Bruce: good call keeping clowns away from your kids.

Prepon: you only like him because he smells like french fries. i always thought the Hamburgler was more nefarious.

Eric: of course. i wouldn't expect any less from yoU!

God of All People said...

Yo, lets give clowns a break, they are ugly after all. Hey maybe you can approach one on ITTSUTY Day assuming no 12 and afraid of getting molested.

For more on ITTSUTY Day visit my blog at lifeofcheppy.blogspot.com

AngryMan said...

How the hell did you find the S&M clown? Are you one of his major clients or something?

Mike said...

Clowns only become clowns after the priesthood turns them down.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

GOD: very true, you never see "hot" clowns. good idea for a day, but i think it's a better idea in theory as opposed to practice.

Angry: no, i found the link on your secret blog. i thought you WERE the S & M clown.

Mike: i thought it was the other way around? once they get kicked out of the clown community, they become priests so they can continue their access to children.

Colonel Colonel said...

I never trusted Ronald- for years there have been rumors about him, um, putting the mayo on Mayor McCheese's bun, if you know what I mean.

Jobu said...

I can protect you from the evil clowns. Worship me!

Sara Sue said...

I saw this article last night. Naked kids in an orphanage?? I hope the sucker ends up in big boy prison with out his butt plug.

Pope Benedict XVI said...

Clowns are instruments of Ha-Satan, plain and simple.

FOUR DINNERS said...

Crusty is, of course, an exception. He has to be due to his connection to the greatest show on earth.

Malach the Merciless said...

can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
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can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
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can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me
can't sleep, clowns will eat me

Prin said...

Clowns are scary. :(

Sirdar said...

What is it with people hating clowns these days? My wife hates them too. There were a few posts lately about clowns and how much they scare people. Someone must have had some pretty bad experiences. I've never been afraid of them...mind you...I've never had a clown party.

Thomas said...

All clowns are Evil with the big E.
I agree, never turn your back on one, unless you are reloading your gun after putting ten or twelve bullets in it.

Clowns will eat your brains

TV

Sara Sue said...

Thomas, clowns are zombies??

AngryMan said...

Tequila:
If you found my secret blog, I hope you didn't stumble over the internet shrine I have to your boob pics on Sara Sue's blog. That may get kind of creepy.

moooooog35 said...

..that..picture...

..Dad...?

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Eric & Pug, you should rethink that man. I crashed with a chick who was a clown (seriously, make-up, nose, did parties, the whole thing) for a couple of weeks. I didn't have anywhere else to stay. She was a friend who wanted to be more. She wouldn't let me pay my way...with money, if you know what I mean. Man, talk about motivation to get my own apartment.

Maybe that's why I'm afraid of clowns.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ColCol: oh, i know exactly what you mean. filthy ronald. he gets off on all those children crawling around in his "ball pit"

Jobu: clowns will fill your pagan face with hot air and twist your head into a balloon animal.

Sara Sue: i hope he meets some special clown-fans in prison.

Pope: i'm surprised you havent dressed like a clown once or twice before finding the scam that is the cloth to get into little boys trousers.

4DIN: Krusty fuckin' rocks. agreed.

Malach: they will eat you if you are awake too!

Prin: they certainly arent comforting.

Sirdar: maybe canadians in general are just really at ease with clowns. your mounties must have really keep them in line.

Thomas: HA! love it! you get todays M.F.G.S. (motherfucking gold star) for the reloading comment.

Angry: ha, you think you are the first to have a boob shrine of me?

Mooog: family resembalence?

Bruce: LIES! you know you liked it.

Phoebe Fay said...

Ouchy!

But I love how he's got "meeting facilitator" right under DJ and Pro-Dom.

I will say, damn smooth shave.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Nope. I was never that drunk. And bein' a clown was the least of her problems.