Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Picture Phones Arent Always The Best Idea...

After seeing a picture of a particularly unattractive friend doing some especially unflattering actions, and then wanting to pour bleach on my corneas, I have decided that picture phones are a vey very bad idea. Granted, some of the quality pictures I have posted on here, like the sandwich toilet and Kenny G were taken with a picture phone and wouldn’t be available if not for the handiness of it. That logic only goes SO FAR, when one is accosted with some of the awful things that are being captured with these contraptions. For example, I have a friend who was snooping in her boyfriend’s phone, and found out that he and his friends have this game of taking pictures of their bowel movements as sort of a running contest. WTF? She did learn her lesson, and has never looked at his outgoing or incoming picture mail again.

Another big reason why having a handy camera is not the best idea, is because it offers a vehicle with which to transport proof of shenanigans to eager eyes. Usually, when one blacks out, nothing they did that night/weekend counts, because they cannot remember it. But when there is physical proof, the blackout excuse is no longer valid. If you are forced to confront whatever scandalous activities you were engaged in during a blackout, then what has the world come to?

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As soon as I heard about it, I knew iphones were the snake oil of my generation (they had over 30 glitches in the first model). Of course people went nuttier than squirrel shit for them, becoming wrapped up in the i-perbole that is part of all mac products. I’m strictly segregationist when it comes to my ipod and my cell phone. SEPARATE BUT EQUAL, segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever. Is it really necessary to combine ipods and cell phones? What else will be start combining? Hotdog boilers in the back of toilet tanks? Same concept… I love my hotdogs, and I like having indoor plumbing, but I do not want them combined just because it MIGHT make my life simpler, but will probably just become a bigger pain in the ass when it breaks and now I am out two important products in my life, instead of just one.


UPDATE: shortly after posting this, my childhood friend, Bob, sends two pictures of himself taking a dump (he already had these, and both were taken on different occasions, as evidenced by his different clothing) at the gas station where there is a mirror in front of the toliet. Why do places, in public or private homes feel it's a good idea to put mirrors in front of the toliet? I don't care how hot you are, NO ONE looks attractive while taking a dump (sorry Bob, not even you).
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19 comments:

Malach the Merciless said...

When will they make a phone to go to work for me?

moooooog35 said...

Luckily, I don't have a camera phone.

My wife finds enough crap in my blackberry to give me shit about without having to add physical proof.

TED VELVET said...

I've never blacked out thank god. I think if I did, I might have to quit drinking. It's bad enough remembering all the dumb shit I say and do when drunk, It's way too scary not knowing what the hell I was up to. The need to take not one but two pictures of yourself taking a dump on a public toilet is more interesting than why there are mirrors across from toilet bowls.

C.Rag said...

I was eating lunch when I came here.

Arthur Fonzarelli said...

after those pics i am speechless. i am without speech.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I like how your friend is protecting his pecker! ha ha

At least he didn't send you a pic of his dump...or did he?

Phoebe Fay said...

Man! Between you and Sara Sue today, the blogosphere is simply not safe for my eyes!

I'm going to go dunk my head in hydrochloric acid now.

C.Rag said...

So should we have Totatlly Shitting Tuesdays?

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Friends huh? Great.

I'm with you on the iPhones. Stupid. My wife has a friend who stood in line and got one on the first day. Had to have it. One of those people that are sooo important that they have to be emailing no matter where they are. I'm glad the price dropped and shafted everybody that had to have one on the first day.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

Malach: never soon enough.

Moog: evidence of shady business is never good to keep around.

Ted: you've never blacked out YET! hmm it is an interesting question... i'll ask him.

C.rag: so i take it my post did not help with savoring your lunch?

Fonz: wow. that's a rare occurence for you. i'm somewhat proud of myself.

Prepon: he was too self conscious to send a pic with the pecker. and no, no pics of his poop. it's for the best.

Pheobe: you once again proved my point about pic phones. although sara sue's thing is from photoshop.

C.rag: i'll leave that to you.

Bruce: first wave consumers always get the stupidity tax.

FOUR DINNERS said...

It's what yer right hands for....er....so I'm told...

FOUR DINNERS said...

Mind you I'm also told yer left feels like somebody else....soz...pissed again...

Cash said...

Anyone can take a picture of me pooping in your shoes.

LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Sara Sue said...

PhotoShop of the best kind! You know there's a money making web site called ratemypoo.com? Your friend is about ten years too late on his idea.

Beach Bum said...

One of the higher-up and important people at my work got one of the iPhones right after it came out and a couple of days later dropped it into a nasty vat of chemical waste. The guy looked like he was going cry.

Mike said...

I have a camera phone but more often than not end up taking a picture of my feet because I have not fully figured it out yet.

After looking at these pictures, I am glad I haven't figured it out yet.

Bob McHenry's Video and Other Such Nonsense said...

I have a bit of a "sensitivity" when it comes to my weiner touching the inside of public toilets, and that particular toilet has a super high water level. My weiner is the only thing I have that can't be repossessed (I hope), I like to take care of it.

Eventually I want to do one of those "picture a day for x years" like they do on youtube from this position.

In addition to RateMyPoo, another fecalogical wonder of the internet I ran across long ago was an ASStrological site that would tell your fortunes based on the positioning, color, and density of your deuces.

Baba Doodlius said...

Advantage, birds - we look cute even when we are taking a huge, greasy, green dump first thing in the morning.

Colonel Colonel said...

I've learned several new things today.

Damn.